Can’t Quit Azeroth

[Verse 1] I’ve chased the thrill from dusk to dawn Done things that’d make the devil yawn Snorted lines off a shotgun shell Woke up next to a preacher — and his son as well I’ve loved too hard, shot too fast Burned through pills like tanks through trash But no needle, no man, no whiskey cough Hurt me like loggin’ back on to Azeroth [Chorus] Yeah, I’m addicted to DPS and loot To battlegrounds and shoulder boots Sold my truck just to buy a mount Missed my kid’s birth — got that mythic count I’ve done drugs, I’ve done dudes, I’ve done time — a lot But I’ve never been trapped like I am in Azeroth [Verse 2] I said I’d quit back in patch 9.2 Then a mage blinked in and I said “one more queue” Missed a wedding and a funeral wake ‘Cause the guild had a raid and I couldn’t flake I’ve ghosted women, missed parole To camp that spawn for a cursed scroll My wife packed up, said, “You love that game” I said, “Woman, please — don’t speak Illidan’s name” [Chorus] Yeah I’m hooked on potions, pets, and parses Been kicked from bars and Sunday masses But no drag queen, drug scene, or biker’s den Felt as dangerous as a level ten I’ve been high, been low, been caught and shot But I never got lost like I did in Azeroth [Bridge] Tried to break free with Bible and gin But the log-in screen always pulls me back in Tried meth, tried men, tried clean livin’ too But no one ever ganked me like you do, you night elf fool [Final Chorus] So if you see me in Stormwind, don’t say hi I’m just a broken cowboy on a digital high Forget the drugs, forget the shame I sold my soul for that raid frame It’s Beau Shafton, y’all — I’ve done a whole damn lot But nothin’s wrecked me like that damn Azeroth [Outro] So here’s to the rogues, the wipes, the gear… I lost my life somewhere around thrid tier, I fear I ain’t proud of it — but I main a paladin